spring onion

today had been a great day. Thank God for it. it was really great cause finally, God is in it...yup.

I could sing of Your love forever

Over the mountains and the sea
Your river runs with love for me
And I will open up my heart
And let the Healer set me free
I'm happy to be in the truth
And I will daily lift my hands
For I will always sing
Of when Your love came down

I could sing of your love forever
I could sing of your love forever
I could sing of your love forever
I could sing of your love forever

Over the mountains and the sea
Your river runs with love for me
And I will open up my heart
And let the Healer set me free
I'm happy to be in the truth
And I will daily lift my hands
For I will always sing
Of when Your love came down

I could sing of Your love forever
I could sing of Your love forever
I could sing of Your love forever
I could sing of Your love forever

[I could sing of your love forever]
[I could sing of your love forever]
[I could sing of your love forever]

Oh I feel like dancing
It's foolishness I know
But when the world has seen the light
They will dance with joy like we're dancing now

I could sing of Your love forever
I could sing of Your love forever
I could sing of Your love forever
I could sing of Your love forever

Oh I feel like dancing
It's foolishness I know
But when the world has seen the light
They will dance with joy like we're dancing now

I could sing of your love forever
I could sing of your love forever
I could sing of your love forever
I could sing of your love forever

i love this song so much, God spend my first day as a 14 year old with me :)

just sent out 2 emails and waiting for replies. i am going off soon, so i can start revising and do my homework too. not much of homework and i did part of my revision just now, while waiting for my dad hahas. bug me ask me what is weather and climate and about rainfall and temperature. hahas. i shouldnt gloat. you know how dead i am? exam's tomorrow and i am blogging. hahas. well, better word expressing myself. yes. hahas.

oh tragedy. i got 0/12 for chemistry and 3/10 for maths. how bad can things gets. lol. anyway, i have to study and do homework. malay and la. hurhur and recipe for stupid home econs. alright. fine. hahas. i've decided to be good. i am going off now. oh not yet.

well, maybe i should.

i've been using 'When God Ran' for my signature on my gmail account and the thing is i dont know if it has affected anyone, at all. i meant that as you know to spread gospel, and to tell them about how God loves us so...ok

anyway, i am screwed and i am serious. i can't tell the difference between ionic and covalent compounds. rarh. and chemistry test is when. i totally messed up my maths quiz today. its sudden and i was doing last minute revision on the three algebraic identities and i think i still suck at it. i just can't seemed to get it right. its so sick. and there's geography to revise and somehow i just got this really bad geography post-graduated as a teacher. oh man. i am commenting about the way he teaches, not his looks. yes, i think he is ok looking but we dont judge how well the teachers teach based on their looks. i have been having debates with seniors over him, shyam uk. and fancy the fact that xiaoen suspects that i like him when he's so scrawny. ok dont set me thinking about boys because my stomach will turn weird, not that i want to eat boys up. i dont eat humans ok.

i totally maluated myself. i think so. in a hurry to finish my malay homework i asked ben to be my best friend. oh wells, he is, franky. but still i am the only one in class who wrote about a boy as a good friend. and now...we are supposed to do a composition about your best friend, for me i have to stick to what i did. and its going to be so embarrassing to ask a guy for his family photo.

and there was this whole messed up thing about marcus knowing venus liking him. oh and i spent my whole day replying smses, i think i sent out about 70 smses yesterday. breaking my previous record, 40 and that was for wishing people on seasons greetings. oh and i only had, 5 correspondents? means i sent out about 14 to each person and thats so much k.

9.35pm. i spent the whole day reading a book and i am done with its. i just realised that i havent updated book reviews for sometime. i am so screwed. but hey, i think ny life is still ok. acceptable, not very fabulous but just what i have expected. not too much stress most of the time, and fairly adequate rest. so, i shouldn't be too greedy. elysa asked me to expect it. i am not siwen with brains will fully charged batteries. i am always the kind of putting in 70% of everything.

and this toilet proposal thingo, honestly, i dont know what to do with it. and i love 哀江头! hahas. it rocks my life. ok...its a sad song, but its nice...

sec4s excluding pam, shuhui, shionyee and yuhui
chengxin with mickeymouse eyes
sec2s
yilin and szeyuan XD
cuties pies...hahas
daoing
sai and bobo XD

chengxin aka ac
the say this is my prized blur look

left to right:
liyue, yinghong, jingjing and cute me hahas. XD

jingjing XD
i look so dumb
hahas earliest birthday present i received, 7am in the morning. so much chocolate!!!

oh yeah, january babies, but jingjing is missing :(
uh oh...i look super dumb

i dont want to play mind games with you.
i dont want to be bothered with you.
i dont want to see you.
i dont want to know you.
i dont want to remember what we did together.
i dont want to have anything to do with you.
but i know i cant.
because i really cant.

its not because i want to see you.
but you are just there.
like the inevitable.
i see you almost everyday of the week.
i see your name almost everywhere.
i see things that remind me of you.
and most of all,
i keep seeing you,
in my head.

its not that i do not want to see you.
i really do.
but the pain.
the humiliation.
it makes me feel guilty when i shouldn't be.
cause i dont think i did anything wrong.
and you refused to tell me why are you displeased with me.
so now what.
we started.
and we ended
nowhere.
i changed.
did i?
i never knew.
cause you didnt tell me.
and fancy the fact that you tell other people
that i am your best friend.

i am not overwhelmed with things to say now, so i think i wont post much. i shall spend some time looking for a new skin. hahas.

i went online just to type this, at the same time see if anyone i want to talk to is online. i am feeling so tired, i think i am sleeping soon. work up early today. byes

i am giving things up, cause i can't face it up on my own, i can't do all these on my own it's too much a burden for me to carry alone on my back.

there's all these academic stuff and on top of all that there are certain issues that havent been ironed out and obviously, i am disturbed. the very person typing out this post is super duper disturbed. she doesnt know what to do and what how to rebut. she can't breathe because she is weighed down by responsibilities which she is gladly taking up but apparently, she isn't having a great time.

i want to serve other people, but i can't do it on my own. i remember during youth camp '06 ps david said about what is joy.

jESUS
oTHERS
yOURSELF

and there you go, joy, joy. i am trying very hard, but it still isnt ironed out yet. i aint having enough sleep, am suffering from the pressure of putting people before myself and in the end get pushed around. its weighing down heavily and she appeals to all to pray for her. i need God's strength. I need Him to grant me strength and courage, that i can continue running this race for Him.

my fuel is running low,
and God is going to top it up for me.
I am tired, God take over the steering wheel and lets me rest at the backseat.
God controls my life and i likes it.

i better sleep, unless i want to miss my stop like last week. oh crap.

i just have enough time to blog this. i feel so guilty, i havent been revising, i havent been practicing guzheng, i havent been doing quiet time. school's taking a toll. but why, why can my table mates go shopping everyday while the other can maple everyday？ X( i still have to rush my om script and it's as if i have finished my homework.

the day i woke up
from this stupor
was when i saw you
look to your left on the corridor
like you were expecting something
hoping to see something the same
like, last year.

i felt a pang of guilt then
i neglected my responsibilities
oversaw that dream
that mission
that hope
those prayers.
when did i last pray for the group?
oh, i am such a sick leader.
i feel responsible
i feel responsible for all of you
and most of all
you
and your sis' dream
i dont think i can ever face you again,
ever.
God, grant me courage



i am leading a crazed life in a crazed world. i am so weighed down by responsibilities and commitments that i can't breathe. i decided not to turn up for cca lunch meeting today. i thought it was overwhelming. yeah, its sort of not what i am supposed to do but still. i need life, i need fresh air. i cant work until i tire myself out, have some sleep, wake up and have the cycle repeat and repeat again. yes, its only a cycle with two phases but its can kill. because in the phase, there are phases narrowed down. i just realised that i havent showered. what have i been doing all evening? common tests are coming and oh crap. i havent practiced guzheng for so long. its been almost a week. man. yeah, i admit that doing all these risky stuff will jeopardize my chances of being vice-pres of gz ensem this year. but still, after spending almost 4 weeks in school, i dont think i deserve that post. i am just killing myself.

i dont want to stay up late, ever, but what am i doing here? crap. i am posting this post, wasting 1/2 an hour of my precious time. but i think i need to have an outgoing facet, if not i will explode and i am serious. X( i can't even remember the jokes i told other people today. it seems that i can laugh when people are around. yes. i cant seemed to cheer up myself that much. so the laughters i have, they all come from school. so i thank God for the friends i have.

i realised that i have been breaking down a lot during service for quite sometime. hahas. what's my routine like? honestly, i think i have no life. i am just a robot revolving around routines. i need some time off. perhaps due to busy schedules i have been questioning myself a lot about life. what on earth am i here for? i am doubting God sometimes to. running to Him only when i need help. it isnt appropriate, but i am doing it. bit by bit, the harder i try to work towards pleasing others and myself, i feel myself turning robotic. switching to one mode to another depending on circumstances.

i want my old life back but i want it with God in it.

She was drivin' last friday on her way to cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Goin' home to see her Momma and her Daddy
With her baby in a back seat
Fifty miles to go and she was runnin' low
On faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year

She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was goin' way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinnin on thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared, she threw her hands up in the air

(Chorus)
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
'Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
Give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder and that car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the back seat sleepin' like a rock
For the first time in a long time she bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been livin' my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight
(Repeat chorus)

Venus: Hi sis...=D

pam: hahas, its not that i keep changing, its because you r not updated. XD this has been with me for about 6 months. the url, i mean.

yuhui: hahas, thanks alot! X) you rest well and dont fall sick!

erica: hahas, seeing so much smiles make me smile! =D

liting: hahas, sick liting. wanna be my disciple? X) and its not i dont sound like me in my post, its because i am not me during cca. hahas. get it? XD



being a sec 2 is totally sick. my hw are piling up. so much stuff havent do yet. oh no. hahas. so little time and so much things to do eh. :/ i havent got a chance to revise for common tests yet. :/ i dont want to failo maths again. wahhh.

i just remembered i havent posted about saturday's sunday school. the kids were terrible. i had to call out russell's name 20 times during the hour. if aunty agnes or xiuxiu ls was there, it wouldnt have happened. i just know that after class, i lost my voice. X( the kids were terrible. i was already quite irritated due to the lack of sleep. i sleep late on friday nights in an attempt to prepare class and revise. wake up early saturday morning to go for cca then have meetings, then go straight to church. i've been wearing sch u to church for 2 weeks. this sat's gonna be worse. i'd be tied for time. have to leave meetings early cause theres discipleship. wahh. but at least it will be fun to eat with the guys X) dont think sick. a GROUP of girls eat with a GROUP of guys. hahas. i am prone to bullying guys when they are around, cause i am too used to have just girls around. hahas. so sometimes i treat guys as girls and they dont quite like it...:/

hehe. next month i covering for ben usher leader. our team's the weakest hahas. ever since gerard left, we've never had full attendance for usher before. so instead of a team of 5 ushers, we always have 2, occasionally 3. hahas. thats pathetic. anyways, have to chase people le hahas. since i covering leader. aim for perfect attendance. we cannot survive with only 3 people in the usher team. X/

read the house on hope street by danielle steel just now. it was really good. hahas. i fell asleep on the sofa, while reading. hehe. ben was worse, he fell asleep while doing qt! lol. anyways, thats a lesson learnt.

hahs and ben's my good friend k. dont play play. hahas. he's a giant. ok, nvm. i shall go pack my stuff and attempt to finish my compre. :/ i am dead.

hehe, liting, this sound cherie enough not. hahas. honestly, i am used to writing cheem diary entries so no one understands them. hahas. they're from my heart! X) anyways, one sick thing before i go off.

er, i shouldnt hahas. i am not in ny, there are guys arnd. k. tood.

i feel contaminated.
i feel inferior.
i feel as if i have downgraded.
i feel bad about the whole thing.
i feel dirty.
in short,
i feel very lousy.

the procedures that i have to go through. that humiliation, all because of one thick skinned person. it isnt a small thing. i dont feel like telling, i dont want to tell. only my best friends know. i know that things wont ever be the same anymore. i cant live without moving on. but for now, i am halted at this point of time forever. the same thing plays over and over again. it feels gross. it is gross. and i am disgusted. thinking of the incident makes my skin crawl. why me? i asked.

i could still feel that awful sensation. that kind of disgust i wanted to much to spit out. you ruined my life.

how can i, ever, face you in court? thinking back makes me want to puke, literally. writing this entry makes me want to puke too. all because of you, i suffer humiliation, shame, embarrassment, shock, and losing modesty, losing pride.

i never expected this to happen to me. its all so disgusting, i never expected me to have to have such conversations outside biology class. its. all. so. gross. and i hate it, as well as the other victims do.

i am serious.

why do i have to go through this hassle of life? He planned it?

i cant never face the world again.
i dont want to face the world.
i can't help but not trust guys anymore.
i can't, all these snogging, pda, pervertic stuff.
it reminds me.
and i hate to be reminded.

you chipped a huge chunk of my soul off,
and i screamed.

The Apostles' Creed

i realised that i cannot be like other people.

i can't be like shawn.
i can't be like elysa.
i can't be like jody.
i can't be like hanyi.
i can't be like siwen.
i can't be like ben.
i can't try to be like anyone of them. because i just can't.

i am just me. i can't even try. i can't be like shawn yet, putting God in front of anything else.
i can't be good as elysa in terms of school work.
i can't do things as well as jody.
i can't play guzheng as well as hanyi.
i can't focus like siwen.
i can't be as carefree as ben.
i can't be like any of them.

caught between split personalities,
i scream out in agony.

hehe. i didnt know seniors tag blogs. XD hahas.

no fun! my mortals found out who am I. so sad!! okay...i've got work to do but i dont want to do them...hehe. theres somethign which i dont know whether i should share, so i wont. =))

today was shag day. have so much homework and projects and SIAs. you know what SIa stands for?

Stupid
Initiated
Assessment.

hahas. havent thought of a better term yet, but still. sias are stupid. a maths is compulsory in sec 3. oh no. haha. i am dead. saya mati. saya rasa bosan. today cca tiring. school also tiring. whole world's tiring. anyways.

bad news and good news. in fact, not much of good news lah. hahas.

bad news:

• alot of homework
• strings ensem dont want to change room with us though they have less people and far smaller instruments.
  
• linls might be leaving us next year to leave for america for further studies.
• what else.
• too much bad news
• too much projects
• screwed OM

good news:

• we have a total strength of 50+ people in gz ensem
• i finished part of my homework
• today is thursday
• saturday is coming soon
• i love my mortal.

yeah. thats all about it.

screwed. i have loads of homework and here they are.

-> maths

• algebra worksheet 1
• statistics worksheet 2
  

-> history

• history file cover page design + 150 words on why you chose it.
• colours of the wind worksheet.

-> science

• chemistry worksheet 4
• science sia research

-> chinese

• chinese portfolio
• 理解问答

-> home economics

• diet analysis
• 3rd set meal

12 pieces of homework and probably more to come. yup. its only the second day of the week. two more weeks to common tests. how great is that. and oh, btw. i am in hot soup. deep trouble. yeah. so i am dead.

thats pretty discouraging. anyways, i should get started with my homework.

this year, i foresee it as a stressful one. its only week three. and homework is piling down on me non-stop. i wonder how some people cope. oh no. i am dead. theres a test tomorrow and still, i have yet revised it one bit. oh man. 明天等死吧！hahas. i should keep a positive attitude.

ok, shall start revising now! lol. oh man. i just practiced guzheng, and finished revising a teeny bit of algebra. my algebra still sucks. it sucks as much as ever. not to over say things, but my algebra sucks like shit. ok.

wells, i suppose i have to start with my chemistry now. i still can't get used to the fact that i am a sec two kid. time flies. and soon, i will be in sec3, then sec4 then j1, then j2 then spend a few years in universities and then, i will become a part of the adult society. how sad is that. my mind can't grow as fast as the physical changes. i feel so, sec1. i feel like a sec1. i still can't get use to the fact that i am in 212 and no longer in 112. i still cant get use to the fact that i am in nanyang girls high school and not in chongfu primary school.

my. how i hate it when time flies. i dont even know if i can sleep tomorrow. today. chinese. maths. language arts. chemistry. ms teo said that it would be a easy year. but deep in my heart i knew it wouldn't be. i will never get a chance to get top three with my current lifestyle. ah. i might never be able to be onstage throughout my secondary school life too. how sad is that. i feel this deep pit in me and i am lowering myself slowly, slowly, slowly into it.

well. i am depressed. oh yes. i am. so much work. and i dont know what to do with them. no motivation. no drive. i dont see the point. i dont see reason and logic in chemistry. i dont see the reason and logic in maths. i dont see logic in sciences and maths. i think they are just...crap.

people say that they are fun. they are interesting, challenging. but i just dont like these two subjects. its a psychological thing. its no longer whether the subject is easy or hard. it doesnt even matter if the thing is logical. it wont even matter still if the thing is reasonable. i see no sense in them. i see no sense in even learning these subjects.

i used to like chemistry. yes. but that was when that innocent mind of mine think that chemistry is just mixing and playing around with chemicals, once in a while get a mini explosion which turns your face black. i never knew the danger involve. i never knew the meticulousness involved. i never saw any sense in them.

if i were i ask one of my teachers now, what's the point of learning maths？whats the point of knowing how big the land we are living in? how would it affect us if we knew how much food we ate per day? whats the point of us being on mother earth? i know i will get many answers back, to rebut me. yes, you give me reasons. you reason with me. but still. how does it help you? why do you learn it for? you learn maths because it's fun? oh really. you have fun with maths throughout your 80 years on earth and then what? where do you go? where do you land up in? what do you do. what can you even do?

humans, in my point of view, are the teeniest proud creatures on earth. we think we can know everything. we think we can have millions of technologies. we can invent things. we can invent the word invent. we thought we could do absolutely anything, anything. we can solve the mysteries of the world one day with more advanced technologies. we could measure how wide, how vast the universe is. we thought we could do everything, one day. we are arrogant. admit it. i am arrogant. you are arrogant. we are arrogant. we do not humble ourselves. we want ourselves being ranked high above the others. but think, how much higher can we go？how much further can we go? how much more things can we do? can we achieve? why do we think so highly of ourselves? whys and more whys. can you scientist solve them? one why leads to another. can you go on answering questions forever, till you deathbed?

there is no answer. we can't. there's nothing we can do to conquer the world. there's nothing we can do to conquer the universe. there's nothing we can do to explore the vast vast universe. but there's something you can do today and that is to accept God! Accept God into your life! Let Him lead you, guide you! Guide you through your darkest times, your lowest times.

Many people ask, have you seen God? why, you haven't. then why do you believe in God? I ask you. can you see wind? why, you haven't. then why do you believe that wind exists? because i feel the effects of the wind. AHAH! i believe in God because is feel the effects of God, just like you feel the effects of wind. I feel the presence of God just like how you feel the presence of the wind. simple.

how do you know that the sun exists? have you seen it? no? then why are you so certain that the sun even exists? see.

you can't see God, because He is a spirit. He is the Holy Spirit. The Godhead three in one, Father, Spirit, Son. Father is God, Spirit is the Holy Spirit and Son is Jesus.

i know that there are many things that i cannot do, on my own, or with my friends. but i know one thing, God has something in store for me and I am going to wait for Him. His time. May it be a year, five years, ten years, twenty years or even fifty years. i shall wait. i will wait.

God crippled me so that He can give me wings and then I can fly back to Him. Accept Him. He has crippled you, but yes! He is going to give you a new pair of wings, a brand new pair of wings and then you can fly. you can fly.

accept Him. dont wait till it's too late. accept this gift Jesus shed for you. He died on the cross for you. He died for your sins. For we all fall short of glory in front of God. and God sent His one and only Son, so that he died for you, he shed his blood for you. then you can fly to Him.Because with our sins, we can never get to Heaven. For the only way to get to the Father, is through Jesus. and no one else. for He said, I am the way, the truth and the life.

yeah. i am deadbeat. i am going to sleep..eh.

ziai did so much for la. and i didnt do anything. sad. i have to plan my time well this yr.

look here man. its not like i dont want to do it. i want to do it and who was the one who has been fighting with me to do it? I relented. I let you go your way. and after so many days then you come around and tell me that you would want me to do it. saying that your computer broke down, you can't work on it. its a huge fat lie, i think. the point is, you told me that your computer broke down then how are you going to do even a single bit? like huh. i am very angry with you. i am very angry with you for not taking the initiative. and i am angry with you for not being considerate.

theres so much to do and so little time.

• language arts oral presentation script.
• OM playscript
• maths hw
• science hw
• history homework
• geography sia
• science sia
• chinese sia
• sunday school materials preparation
• practice guzheng
• revise for the upcoming common test

and whats my schedule like for the rest of the term?

• monday: third language until 4pm
• tuesday cca until 5.30pm
• wednesday third language until 4pm
• thursday cca until 6pm
• friday cca until 5.30pm
• saturday cca from 8.30am-12.30pm, OM meeting from 1pm-5.30pm, church afterwards until about 10pm
• sunday free.

so you see, i only have sunday to do all the work and i already broke a commandment. we are not supposed to do work on sabbath, but leave this holy day for a rest for it marks the day which God completed the earth. see. whats this kind of thing. yuck. and i take about an hour and a half to travel to school and back.

oh. how i hate being a secondary 2 student.

this week was busy and i expect next week to be more so. they are planning to have cca on tues, thurs, fri and sat. and thats crazy. thats very crazy. thats the most absurb things. its not like we dont have things to do. we have crap loads of stuff to do and here they are, telling us that we are doing stuff full-time. its like working when you are only a student. thats what i hate about this school so much. this huge fat lie about us being a big nice family. its just a pretty family portrait painted on a rotten piece of canvas. its a lie. lie lie. they lie and lie and lie and bluff little kids into their traps. they lie so well that the kids deny the fact that they have been hoodwinked. its crazy. its a crazed school.

anyways. i am thinking of signing up for missionary work for june and dec this year. i dont know if my parents will allow, but still, i am giving it a shot. haha. its to cambodia and its cool working for God.

today was freaking tired. this week, i wake up at 5.30am from monday to friday and 6.30am today. tomorrow i am waking up late and i wont go online until i finish my work. yeah. mingwei was inconsiderate. she can wake up an hour later than me and i can bet that she woke up after ten this morning. its unfair. ok. the travelling problem again. but yeah. so what. i have to time to do the things i like, like book reviews, reading. i have even given maple story as well as neopets this year. i have got to work hard and get into my desired stream. bio and chem with pure lit and history elective.

i have been considering this for awhile. and i have prayed about it sometime last year. but certain topics in history told me clearly that i shouldnt go into serious study of it though i simply love history. so there goes my favourite subjects. hahas. i'd probably land up in class 313 or 314 next year. oh yeah, i'd like to go for bsp next year too if i can. it sounds fun. but i will try it out if i feel that it benefits me. shall pray about that too..

i sound so kiasu planning what i would like to have next year. i wont be in 301 or 302 for sure. hahas. i dont have the interest to go for triple science. mingwei and xuewei wants triple science. it seems to me that mingwei and i wont make really good friends. at least well, celestine, i feel much more comfortable with her. in terms of family's financial stuff and interests and all that. i cant really talk to mingwei cause she has led a problemless life so far. given thousands of money a month to shop. i mean, whats the point of shopping for clothes and bags. yeah. sometimes i find myself wandering at shopping centres. looking at wallets and bags...well. yeah. it seems that i am never satisfied with what i have. well, or rather the things i have are not to my taste. hahas. not entirely but not 100%. lol. i am quite picky sometimes too.

finally had time to type a nice good long entry. hahas. there are still problems in my life to be mended, with the help of God. yeah.

i can save up to $400 this year if i save $10 or more a week. hahas. thats nice to hear. my mum was saying that if i dont take the school bus to school, then i can have extra allowance. HAHAS. and i asked them if i can take care of my finance. like entrusting me with $--- a month. yeah. its three digit. so.

i am going to get a satisfactory wallet, not the one i have now. hahas. i like those black wallets that guys usually carry. then i get myself a decent backpack. a decent slingbag, maybe a crumpler. hahas. maybe...i dont know if its over my budget. i am thinking of getting elysa's rabbit bag from orchard. but i will look funny in it. so maybe i get a rabbit bag and a slingbag. hahas. yeah. the backpack that i have now is a little too old. hahas. oh yeah. i wanna get one camp bag also. hahas. hiking bag. everything stuff inside. :) yay! okay...lol

yup. so thats it. so far on my list. they dont include the books. the list will go on and on and on if i add in the books that i want. lol.

btw, they celebrated my birthday at church today. it was freaky. lol. it wasnt even my birthday. its on the 31st!!! hahas. why they so kiasu also. lol. so got a super sweet chocolate cake and my face was burning red. leonard asked me to blow the candle i did that and he moved the cake. i was so embarrassed already. hahas. :) i wanna go cell group!!! X(

yeah. during sermon today i was super restless..like moving around constantly to prevent myself from falling asleep. hahas. ok..i am dog tired.

looking at him.
it reminds me of you.
the way you walk.
the way you talk.
the way you answer phonecalls and all that.
i miss it.
i miss having you being part of my life.
infatuation over. yes.
but i haven't got over the fact that,
you are no longer my big kiddo.


its amusing to look at your name.
and your funny hair.
so spare me the embarrassment.
if i look at you too much.
cause its for amusement sake.
nothing more.
nothing less.
well, maybe, to observe.
thats all.

i have loads to tell you.
but you chose to escape.
hey. i am really down.

i am screwed. why wont she give me my phone?

today was a lousy day

today was simply tiring. well, dragged over from yesterday. i woke up slightly later than usual today...sigh. was almost late for school. and yes, almost. got to the quadrangle just in time. anyways.

i doubt i am a good leader afterall. well. yes. i am not a good leader and i am not working hard enough to improve. oh no. and i have this fat hope of becoming the vice-president of guzheng ensemble. see how vivien and yuhui works. i dont even know if i'm up to the mark. and i still can't get into IVLE. what's wrong. oh man.

i am quite pleased with myself anyway. i read 2 Danielle Steel's books in about 3-4 days. hahas. its nice to read. yup. so what else have i got to say?

i have been slacking alot in my spiritual life too. havent been saying grace properly. too tempted by the food and stuff. yes, i am making effort but not enough effort. sigh. maybe only about 10% of everything? oh man. idioitc ivle.

man. havent been doing quiet time too. and havent been planning sunday school lessons. oh no. i am in deep shit. i really am. its only the first few weeks of school and i am already lagging by at least 50%. argh. which means i have to put in 150% or more effort to catch up with others. just catch up, but doing things properly is another thing. i am beginning to feel that 24hours a day is simply not enough.

not enough sleep, not enough time to complete things properly. and i am not ready to sacrifice my sleeping hours. if i sacrifice them, i'd have a bad day at school another day. lets think, when did i last play games? 3 weeks ago. and i should stop blogging. 5 mins almost up. sad. what kind of life is this?

ivle isnt working. how on earth am i supposed print it out. this sucks. i am so tired. to top it all of, theres malay tomorrow. as if i dont have enough on my plate already. why are sch hours so long? and i dont wanna get retained. i can feel myself slacking already, now..like oh man. ok..i shouldnt blog anymore. i anticipated this. i should post good long posts next time...i shall update it only once in a while. i think that would be fine..

yeah. theres so much to be done and so little time.

1. plan sunday sch lesson
2. do science sia research
3. work on science sia proposal
4. do science sia
5. malay hw
6. maths hw
7. read books
8. do a new om proposal

and so many things else. i am dead now...

we're having home econs class in com lab three now. the computers here lag like crazy. home econs lesson so boring... :( dont like home econs. cannot sign in to ebuddy also. sad sad sad.

today had to stand all the way to sch. but i was awake most of the lessons except for malay...

and she changed her email. to avoid me? i dont know, honestly. this thing is so messed up. and i dont want to write her mushy letters. what was i expecting anyway...bleagh

this thingy has been made private, unless someone stumble upon this blog, they wouldnt know about this. It's between God and me. and in case you are mentioned in the prayers on this blog, please note that i wasnt backstabbing people. i was praying for people and that it was solely for religious purpose and for God.

i thought i might make this private, just for you and me. Lord i thank you for the week, i thank you for your grace, i thank you for all you've given me to see me throughout this short yet long and exhausting week.

Lord, its really tiring to try and please everyone, maybe not everyone, but almost everyone. you get tired and people dont even appreciated the fact of your existence. Lord, teach me how to lead my life like i have never done before, Lord. Lord. i pray for your forgiveness for the sins i committed. I lied, i think. i handed up my 作文 late on thursday, i made my friends unhappy, i made my parents upset. Lord, i am miserable, Lord. let me be set free in you. Lord, i pray that you will grant me a new life, Lord. I pray that you will renew my life. Lord, i pray for a fresh new start in a new year. I pray that i will be able to serve you well, Lord. Teach me, Lord. Grant me that determination and strength on tiring days and lazy days, Lord. I foresee this year as a very busy year,k very important year. Lord, i just pray that i will be filled with your Holy Spirit. Lord, other people might say that I am uttering nonsense, but Lord, Lord, give me what i need to speak up, the spread the gospel. Lord, i thank you for my passion, my heart to serve. Lord, i lack certain courage, and i pray that you will grant me that courage. Lord, at times i see close friends fall into Satan lies, i see that laughing at what you've in store for them. Lord, i pray that you will just open up their eyes. Let them see you, most importantly give them a melted heart that is not stone hard. Let then accept you into their life and that they will be saved.

Lord, i thank you for bringing friends into my life. Lord, i thank you for placing them so close to me. Lord, tell me how should I start, tell me how can I can start and what can i start with, Lord, just speak to me. Your servant is listening, Lord. Lord, i pray that now you will just grant me what kind of courage i need, Lord. Lord, brother gerard once told me that i have confidence, but i need to be reassured. Lord, now i just that you will be the one who will reassure me, or send someone to reassure me. Lord, i pray that you will chase away all my fears. Lord, i just want to live my life for you. Lord, now i would like to pray for my friends, those whom, i asked for prayer requests sometime ago. Lord, i know that they are coming in a little late. Lord, i just pray that you will forgive me of this lateness and lack of sense of urgency, Lord.

Lord, i pray for meiqin's, Lord, i pray that you will grant her mum good health, Lord. I thank you Lord. Lord, i also thank you for leonard. He wishes that my sis and i were to go for cell group every week. Lord, i dont know whether i am ready for cell group. I have this feeling that I am not that ready for cell group yet. Lord, i just pray that you will direct me along which way i should go and that i will not wander away from your light, Lord. Lord, i'd also pray for lewis that his work will go well and that he will serve you better in this year, Lord.

Lord, i'd also like to pray for yanting. Lord, i know that she's a Christian, but she hasn't been living it out. Lord, sister cara once wrote on a card, the more you know Jesus, the more you will show Him to the world in your life. Lord, i'd just like to pray now that she'd be able to show you in her life, Lord. and that she will not go round discrediting people whom she doesn't really like, and that she will learn to appreciate their presence and will love them, Lord.

Lord, i thank you in Jesus name i pray, Amen.

i am tired, in other words, derit. :( i want to take a nap! i worked tirelessly till my neck hurt like crazy

i tired... :'( and today was released early so cannot see my didi, again!!! :'( i saw a shop just now, can carve your name onto a metal piece of thingy then hang on your neck. looks cool, wanted to make one for him, but that person wasnt clear. is junyang a long name or a short name. so is it 5 or 8? i got fed-up and never went back since. but still, i WILL make one for him, cause its cool. hahas.

today cca concert for me was damnitrighttothecore SCREWED UP. ok? endless love was OK if not for me, blockhead, keep pressing the wrong string. =( eeyerr. chunjiexuqu was sucky. we all agreed. we started off at the wrong beat and all. man man man. wah. absolutely stupid.

anyways, i hope xiaolei joins us! hahas. tomorrow is audition. XD yay. ok. i should sleep. its gonna be midnight. yeah, and tmr have to get up EARLY.

yup. second day of school and i am very tired. i did something which i shouldnt have done. it seemed to me that i havent got over X yet...going to that place makes me feel worse. ahhh.

its like love. i mean. when you love someone, it takes time to love. and it takes little to hate. someone can do 9 things good for you, but if he/she do 1 wrong thing, there goes his/her love for you. i have lots to say. i should be in bed now...but i dont feel like sleepy. thinking of what happened made me queasy. i dont feel well. tomorrow will be a long day. i might still have to meet up with elysa to show her camp video. i think it was badly done...:'(

one thing for you: you cant push me down. i am like a bouncing ball, push me down and i will bounce higher. =) yay! victorious in Christ.

If my God is good for me, nothing can be against me. hahas. its a kiddy sunday school song. yup. when the going gets tough, we stick to the fundamentals. God.

cca orientation concert is tomorrow. pray that the exit will be VERY smooth. hahas. mr gary tang told us the other year, you know after every item put up by guzheng, there will be a thunderstorm?

hahas. ok. see, i am still depressed. i cant wait for sat

the weather fits my mood. yes, i am gloomy. oh yuck. sch's tiring. i have to rush homework...oh dead.

sec ones are ok, i suppose. i shall stick to calling them midgets. =) alright, got to go. this sucks.

was polishing my commonwealth essay. 705 words. dont know where to cut. i am getting sick of cutting and trimming and summarising. had a really great time editing the youth camp video. yeah, right. great time. hahas. i almost died doing it. got a splitting headache from listening to the same thing again and again. hahas. theres this cca video to do lol. but at least thats better. just photos. dont have to cut so much...ok. gtg have dinner. bb

i think this thing will rot by next june.

Over the mountains and the sea
Your river runs with love for me
And I will open up my heart
and let the healer set me free

i am happy to be in the truth
and i will daily lift my hands
for i will always sing
of when your love came down

i could sing of your love forever X4

oh, i feel like dancing
it's foolishness i know
but when the world has seen the light
they will dance with joy
like we're dancing now

i am spending my new year sneezing and coughing away...so jingbao...i bet if i were to go out, i will uproot 20 trees. :'(

btw, did i mention that i hate 7? realise that my handphone number, out of the list of numbers that i can choose, it was the only one without 7. yeah. hope that i dont hate this year as much as i hate seven.

on a happy note, i am a sec2!!! hahas. and i will be turning 14 in 30 days! yay!

anyway, dont get me wrong, i dont look forward to school though