spring onion

this year, i foresee it as a stressful one. its only week three. and homework is piling down on me non-stop. i wonder how some people cope. oh no. i am dead. theres a test tomorrow and still, i have yet revised it one bit. oh man. 明天等死吧！hahas. i should keep a positive attitude.

ok, shall start revising now! lol. oh man. i just practiced guzheng, and finished revising a teeny bit of algebra. my algebra still sucks. it sucks as much as ever. not to over say things, but my algebra sucks like shit. ok.

wells, i suppose i have to start with my chemistry now. i still can't get used to the fact that i am a sec two kid. time flies. and soon, i will be in sec3, then sec4 then j1, then j2 then spend a few years in universities and then, i will become a part of the adult society. how sad is that. my mind can't grow as fast as the physical changes. i feel so, sec1. i feel like a sec1. i still can't get use to the fact that i am in 212 and no longer in 112. i still cant get use to the fact that i am in nanyang girls high school and not in chongfu primary school.

my. how i hate it when time flies. i dont even know if i can sleep tomorrow. today. chinese. maths. language arts. chemistry. ms teo said that it would be a easy year. but deep in my heart i knew it wouldn't be. i will never get a chance to get top three with my current lifestyle. ah. i might never be able to be onstage throughout my secondary school life too. how sad is that. i feel this deep pit in me and i am lowering myself slowly, slowly, slowly into it.

well. i am depressed. oh yes. i am. so much work. and i dont know what to do with them. no motivation. no drive. i dont see the point. i dont see reason and logic in chemistry. i dont see the reason and logic in maths. i dont see logic in sciences and maths. i think they are just...crap.

people say that they are fun. they are interesting, challenging. but i just dont like these two subjects. its a psychological thing. its no longer whether the subject is easy or hard. it doesnt even matter if the thing is logical. it wont even matter still if the thing is reasonable. i see no sense in them. i see no sense in even learning these subjects.

i used to like chemistry. yes. but that was when that innocent mind of mine think that chemistry is just mixing and playing around with chemicals, once in a while get a mini explosion which turns your face black. i never knew the danger involve. i never knew the meticulousness involved. i never saw any sense in them.

if i were i ask one of my teachers now, what's the point of learning maths？whats the point of knowing how big the land we are living in? how would it affect us if we knew how much food we ate per day? whats the point of us being on mother earth? i know i will get many answers back, to rebut me. yes, you give me reasons. you reason with me. but still. how does it help you? why do you learn it for? you learn maths because it's fun? oh really. you have fun with maths throughout your 80 years on earth and then what? where do you go? where do you land up in? what do you do. what can you even do?

humans, in my point of view, are the teeniest proud creatures on earth. we think we can know everything. we think we can have millions of technologies. we can invent things. we can invent the word invent. we thought we could do absolutely anything, anything. we can solve the mysteries of the world one day with more advanced technologies. we could measure how wide, how vast the universe is. we thought we could do everything, one day. we are arrogant. admit it. i am arrogant. you are arrogant. we are arrogant. we do not humble ourselves. we want ourselves being ranked high above the others. but think, how much higher can we go？how much further can we go? how much more things can we do? can we achieve? why do we think so highly of ourselves? whys and more whys. can you scientist solve them? one why leads to another. can you go on answering questions forever, till you deathbed?

there is no answer. we can't. there's nothing we can do to conquer the world. there's nothing we can do to conquer the universe. there's nothing we can do to explore the vast vast universe. but there's something you can do today and that is to accept God! Accept God into your life! Let Him lead you, guide you! Guide you through your darkest times, your lowest times.

Many people ask, have you seen God? why, you haven't. then why do you believe in God? I ask you. can you see wind? why, you haven't. then why do you believe that wind exists? because i feel the effects of the wind. AHAH! i believe in God because is feel the effects of God, just like you feel the effects of wind. I feel the presence of God just like how you feel the presence of the wind. simple.

how do you know that the sun exists? have you seen it? no? then why are you so certain that the sun even exists? see.

you can't see God, because He is a spirit. He is the Holy Spirit. The Godhead three in one, Father, Spirit, Son. Father is God, Spirit is the Holy Spirit and Son is Jesus.

i know that there are many things that i cannot do, on my own, or with my friends. but i know one thing, God has something in store for me and I am going to wait for Him. His time. May it be a year, five years, ten years, twenty years or even fifty years. i shall wait. i will wait.

God crippled me so that He can give me wings and then I can fly back to Him. Accept Him. He has crippled you, but yes! He is going to give you a new pair of wings, a brand new pair of wings and then you can fly. you can fly.

accept Him. dont wait till it's too late. accept this gift Jesus shed for you. He died on the cross for you. He died for your sins. For we all fall short of glory in front of God. and God sent His one and only Son, so that he died for you, he shed his blood for you. then you can fly to Him.Because with our sins, we can never get to Heaven. For the only way to get to the Father, is through Jesus. and no one else. for He said, I am the way, the truth and the life.

yeah. i am deadbeat. i am going to sleep..eh.