spring onion

i'm having a splitting headache now.

after taking panadol, the headache got worse. funny huh.

shall go mug now

i've never stared at so many numbers in my life. well, math class' an exception. but now that we're doing indices and algebra, i see much less numbers.

and i'm feeling the stress already. @.@

i've been staring at numbers since...8pm. i've only stopped when i realised that there was a mistake in the guzheng number allocation. :(

very tired leh. :/

today i left school at 6.15 pm. at 6pm my mum called and asked me where was i. she didnt sound pleased. but have to do it somehow. by saturday. :( only have wednesday left.

tomorrow choir have practice so its impossible for us to pack.

wednesday, can do.

thursday cca. have briefing. so quite impossible to do also.

friday comm meeting.

saturday afternoon alumni choir coming back to sing at 1pm. i have things on in the afternoon.

sad sia. looks like still have loads to do. :(

today yuhui kept saying that she's happy. but she never told me what she was happy about. :( but today was funny. oh yes, yesterday funny quotes i left out one.

cherie's pm: their fallen hero

when she went for a shower, she forgot to put brackets, so the end results was:

cherie's pm: their fallen hero showering.

-__-

okay. i'm mental.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9n49-W3cX8g&mode=related&search=

http://youtube.com/watch?v=En0A8KGMgq8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPecNl9EzVU&mode=related&search=

its not that i suddenly have a craze for romeo and juliet or smth. i've always fancied good music. :D

btw, i forgot to mention that during friday's concert, theres all these cello and base people there. i suddenly feel very sad...why did i ever stop learning double base and cello? RARH.

i want to learn the strings instru (violin, cello, double base) and piano!

i must learn them all before i leave singapore.

learn as in get diploma for them. bleh. eyys, dont care. this year guzheng exam MUST MUST MUST MUST get distinction. or i'll never die a happy man. cannot be like last year, 2, or was it 3 marks more to distinction. D:

Labels: great music

haha! so funnyyyy

sorry eh, i havent posted about the elections or the interview or the whatever-you-call-that.

okay.

thursday:
mrtan wasnt free, so he cancelled math remedial. BUT, we the sec2s of 212 were good children, we sat there until 4pm. :D

then speech. i was the last okayyy. anyway, i was nervous. so i was stuttering and red and all. but nevertheless...

friday:
90th anniversary rehearsal was uh. haha! we lagged so much behind that we went on stage 1hr late. supposed to play but in the end only ran through the in and out process.

seems like we're gonna have a hard time. 2 stairs up the platform. 5 steps for about 25 people. forget not the long skirts and the jiaos and the guzhengs.

then went to eat dinner withyilin, tingyi and sze yuan at coro. it was so funny!! ((: anyway. we kept thinking that we're gonna be late.

concert was great. and at the end of the concert, i thought i was 1/2 deaf. well, due to all the shouting esp by tingyi. :D

saturday:

interview. (: my answer ah, zhenglaoshi kept laughing leh. so freakyy

then...

new commmmm!!! ((:

Labels: inspired

i just want to make it clear.

i did study for math. it's not like i didn't like any other tests this earlier this year or last year. so stop making look as though i'm some juvenile delinquent who do not want to do math.

i've probably done more math this few months than all the other questions put together for the past 13 years.

math is haunting me. it is haunting me like shit.

people who know me, they know i dont say 'oh my god', or 'shit' , or 'f***'. so you should know what i mean yeah.

分不在高，及格就行；学不在深，作弊则灵。

斯是教室，唯吾闲情。小说传的快，杂志翻的勤。

琢磨下象棋，寻思看电影。善于抄作业，猎奇闻。

无书声之乱耳，无学习之劳心。虽非跳舞场，

堪比游乐厅，心里云：“混张文凭！”

haha! funny right...yeah i think so too. :D

why do you look so nonchalant and natural about it? its not small. and the kind of look you give, its like mum is not worthy of you. who are you? the queen?

i'm flunking math. no, i'm not. i'm going to talk to tkc tmr. and, oh wells. i flunked my graph and indices completely.

must do well for chinese. nothing to say.

i will hate myself forever if i do not get bsp AND the scholarship

i must practice at least 1 hr of guzheng everyday.
i am lagging so much behind.

i must hand up all my homework. no excuse.

i must get A for everything.

i won't fail my math again.

i must get into cambridge next time.

i must go into full time ministry next time

i must not be rude to my parents.

i will study everyday, hard.

i will sleep for 3 hours everyday.

i will not do anymore last minute work, including sunday school preparation.

i will be a good friend.

i will talk to God everyday.

i will do 20 math questions everyday, and up it to thirty after sabbaticals.

i will force myself to study.

and not slack.

i will do it.

trust me, i'll show you

You Are Very Happy Being Single

You're not anti-relationship. You just don't need one to be content. You find plenty of happiness from your life as it is. And if you find someone you love, then that's just icing on an already decadent cake!

Your Element Is Water

A bit of a contradiction, you can seem both lighthearted and serious. That's because you're good at going with the flow - but you also are deep. Highly intuitive, you tune in to people's emotions and moods easily. You are able to tap into deep emotional connections and connect with others. You prefer a smooth, harmonious life - but you can navigate your way around waves. You have a knack for getting people to get along and making life a little more peaceful.

You Are 32% Nerdy

You're a little nerdy, but no one would ever call you a nerd. You sometimes get into nerdy things, but only after they've become a part of mainstream culture.

You Are Great With Money

You know the value of a dollar - and you save and spend wisely. By living below your means, you've set yourself up for a rich future. And while it may hurt to sacrifice now, you'll probably have plenty of money later on. You're on your way to riches - just keep it up.

Your Brain is Green

Of all the brain types, yours has the most balance. You are able to see all sides to most problems and are a good problem solver. You need time to work out your thoughts, but you don't get stuck in bad thinking patterns. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the future, philosophy, and relationships (both personal and intellectual).

You Are 60% Slacker

You are a bit of a slacker - though you can pull it together and live a somewhat normal life. If you're young, this is probably phase you'll outgrow. And if you're already grown up, you need to get off the couch a bit more!

You Are 60% Slacker

You are a bit of a slacker - though you can pull it together and live a somewhat normal life. If you're young, this is probably phase you'll outgrow. And if you're already grown up, you need to get off the couch a bit more!

hahas. they're dumb. i just put up some interesting ones that are, maybe 60% true?

i realise i get a lot of weird ideas while i study geog. hahas. geography never makes sense with me. or rather it does, just that i'm not contented.

just like, now the world's population is increasing right, then the governments are frantically making more space by reclamation or relocating or clearing more land so that people can live in it, then why encourage people to give birth more? haha! no sense! to me, at least.

and there's this part like africa and certain parts of india, the mothers there believe in producing more kids so that there will be a child left to live, BUT. why don't they just concentrate on one kid, so that the family will not face things like, not enough food, space constraint, malnutrition, lack of water and all the other problems they're facing right now?

i just don't understand.

okay. i bet i wont sleep tonight. :(

geography test tomorrow. :( and i think i still owe a million things in the world.

haha.

sian. i dont like mondays. :D

it's a song lah! don't ask me why i dont like mondays because i have no answer for you. :)

ya know, i'll stop posting here often. i'm going online less often. and now that, haha, got so much work to do right, i wont use the computer that often.

should start practicing more guzheng. yups.

i need to learn. alot.

hope the testimonies will move you guys. (: if you would like find out more about God you can email me. i'll be putting my email add here in a while. or you could openly tag me. (: i'm not professional, but i sure hope i can help you in some way, or refer you to someone else.

anyways, today's cell group was :/

i can't describe it. i didnt know whether it went well or not. cause cz, cheryl and kelly were sort of expressionless. i made it short, but i didnt know whether it was useful. but it sure was useful for me. i learnt a lot through preparing the notes and when i was teaching itself.

but i felt kind of lost without sheryl there. :( haha! sheryl! come back! hahas. :/

heh, i think it takes a lot of courage to do this since i have absolutely no idea what cell group is like in my church or in other churches. so i was clueless. pray that God will guide me along. i really need them.

and oh yes. aiyah. what did i want to say..

okay forget it. i shall go and do hw. (:

Is your faith in God fervent? Have you been growing in your spiritual walk with God? Has your life been bearing the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 6:22-23)? Keep in mind that what doesn’t grow or bear fruit is either dead or made of plastic. And in my opinion, a barren ‘plastic’ life is mere existence.

The cry of our hearts should be: “God, let me live the abundant life that You’ve promised to those who believe.” Sure there are pitfalls along the way as we travel through life. Are we going to allow the fear and uncertainties curtail our passion for God? Why then do Christians grow cold in their faith and fall away from God and even backslide?

If a new believer falls away from God because he lacks understanding of the true concept of a living God who forgives his sin, who requires that he lives by faith and wants to have a personal relationship with him; it is somehow understandable.

But for a more ‘mature’ Christian to fall away and grow cold and eventually leave church is sad. The longer we are in church, the more sermons we would have heard that would help us grow in the knowledge of God. We would have read the Bible enough times to make our faith grow stronger. We would have had more prayers answered that would cause us to believe in God’s faithfulness. The longer we stay in church we should be more faithful, fruitful, on fire and more zealous in serving and loving God.

The reason why many Christians fall away is because they have stopped ‘feeding’ themselves and they eventually ‘die.’ “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4). The currents of life sweep them away that they forget that: “The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever” (1 John 2:17). They may have allowed their love for God to grow cold and spiritual death slowly creeps in.

Recently, I was listening to songs by Mercy Me and I couldn’t help but fall in love with God again. With song lyrics that go: “As long as my heart is beating, where You lead me I will follow, where you lead me I give my life away…” It stirs the heart just listening to the passion in the voice of the singer.

I remember as a young Christian when I saw people in church raising their hands in praise and worship and telling God “I love You, Lord,” I just didn’t get it. How can someone love God? You know who God is? Isn’t He some big mighty power to be approached in fear and trembling? For me back then, the feeling of love for God was just not there. But the more I went to church, the more I learned that faith must supersede our feelings.

Feelings are so fleeting, it changes like the tides, and therefore it can’t be relied upon to get us through our Christian life. We need something more. We need faith. More than just saving faith that draws us to believe Christ’s death on the cross saves us from our sins, we need a confident assurance that God is with us.

For a long time in my Christian walk I felt like a child looking through a window display of a toy store, always looking in and never getting to play with the toys. I had my fair share of days when I had no strength in me to go on. Trials and testing come like rolling waves not giving me enough time for a breather. It would have been easier to let go and drift away. But no, I couldn’t just go down without a fight. I had to stand my ground and fight for my faith.

The Bible says: “Be sober, be vigilant because your adversary the devil is as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour” (1 Peter 5:8).

The devil will try to wear us down by sending us tons of troubles until we start questioning God’s very existence and love for us or he may lead us into believing that a life of comfort and success is all we need and when we have it, that will eliminate our need and dependence on God. The devil wants to rob us of our faith because he knows full well that a Christian without faith is as good as dead. Our service and faithfulness is for nought if the Christian’s faith is undermined. We need to be spiritually alive, alert and on the look out!

Antoinette

10th June 2007

Did some self re-evaluation after watching the opening week of the new games show – Deal or No Deal…

Always thought I was kinda ‘safe’ from the trappings of the sin of greed (monetary, not gastronomy!) until the show premiered. Despite having no part in the money at stake, I was just as stressed out and excitable as the contestants themselves; berating one who gave up too early and missed out doubling his winnings; and moaning the loss of $75,000 as a young lady chose to stick with her case of $750. Heartache, man!

Then I daydreamt about going on the show myself… overcoming that scrooge of a banker, opening all the right cases of “small money” to win the coveted $250,000! Big money! Big money! (Hiak hiak hiak hiak *hysterical laughter*)

Just imagine how a prancing, screaming woman on telly would appear to those who know her in church … or thought they knew her… She cannot testify of this windfall… just like how God cannot be associated with the spoils of gambling, theft, etc…Her testimony is lost and worse of all, she may stumble some believers along the way…Fatally high price to pay for temporal gains…

It was more edifying to watch a Chinese series – Find Me A Singaporean. The host went to various countries to seek out the lone Singaporean or a Singaporean community based there. Really seems like there is a Singaporean in every corner of the world, Europe, Middle East, Africa, China… Some of these have given up their familiar and comfortable life in Singapore to improve the life of fellow human beings in the remote regions through education and medical attention. It was heartbreaking to see them, strong and stoic in their altruistic mission, broke down or squealed with childlike glee as the host prepared a local dish for them for a little sampling of home. For these Singaporeans, the intrinsic rewards far outweighed monetary gains. Some of them actually invested their savings or retirement funds to set up learning centres for the otherwise illiterate children.

In these heady days of property speculation, en bloc sales, the country seems to be back in the boom times pre-Iraq war and pre-SARS. There is certainly nothing wrong with being successful and doing well financially, so long as we can surely and genuinely give God all the credit and praise… Just remember, don’t be swept away by the tsunami of greed…

Do you know…

God equates greed to idolatry…

“For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.” (Ephesians 5:5)

God lists greed among the “most terrible” sins:

“For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and make a man ‘unclean.’ ” (Mark 7:21 – 23)

School’s out… and young lovebirds abound…in popular hotspots… at shopping centres… on trains… anywhere and everywhere…One does not need binoculars to do a spot of aviary watching…

On a train ride back to office, my neck was uncomfortably locked in at one angle… firmly away from such a pair perched just a seat away… How old were they, 13, 14, 15… shouldn’t be older than 16…Thus looking in the direction of the next carriage, a lady seemed to be looking back at me with a look of reproof…Then again, she seemed to be looking past me at the teenage pair …And what’s that in her hands? A book entitled, “Praying Parents”! Wow… how apt is that?!

So it is the same for all of us… temptations lure, desires burn, evil will increase in the last days… Pray, we must!

Cynthia Soo
3rd July 2007

i swear i'll never eat the nasi lemak from my school's muslim food stall again. the rice's uncooked, there's onely one pathetic fishball and a scoop and chili. it's not even nasi lemak! no fish, no cucumber. stingy pokes. :(

and oh, the reason why i had that is because i'm sick of mee siam and the other stalls were overflowing with people. so yup.

i'm preparing for tomorrow's cell group. sigh. so far, i havent gotten anywhere yet. like literally anywhere. just got off the phone. actually i didnt really get off the phone, it's just that the connection got cut off because his phone ran out of battery. how nice. i've not even gotten all the things i need yet. so. waiting for him to call back...

i shall do constructive things. (:

/edit

poohs! i have no idea how to carry on. :(

赞美之泉 祷告 LYRICS

《祷告》 -赞美之泉

祷告 因为我渺小
祷告 因为我知道我需要
明瞭 你心意对我重要
祷告 已假装不了
祷告 因为你的爱我需要
你关怀 我走过的你都明白
有些事我只想要对你说 因你比任何人都爱我
痛苦从眼中流下 我知道你为我擦
在早晨我也要来对你说 主耶稣今天我为你活
所需要的力量你天天赐给我 你恩典够我用

okay. this is a really cool song. it touched my heart on saturday evening.

i dont know if you guys noticed, i've been really emotional and down lately and reason being, i was confused. i no longer knew whether God exists anymore. and i hung onto the very last shreds of hope, reasons to trust that God exist.

thanks rania, for trying to talk sense into me. no offence, but i dont think i can live this life without God. i understand that you meant well, but people do things differently. as for me, i'm going into full time ministry.

i've got a testimony to share, not about what that church or the church leaders did to make me stay in the church. they talked to me, but i decided to stay not because of them, but because of the sunday school kids. i can't leave them behind like that. i want to see them grow, grow into fine christians, not until one day at the age of 20, did they realise that no, they didnt know God for the past 20 years. God was only part of their lives. they were part time christians.

no, i want the kids to be full time christians.

Lord, i know i havent been praying properly for a long time. Lord, now i pray that you'll melt my heart again and set me once more on fire, that i will run this race for you, Lord. Lord i pray because i know i have to pray, because i need to pray, because You know me, because you understand. and i know i have to pray because i have to.

Lord, really, i thank you for being my best friend despite me ignoring you, neglecting you. Lord i thank you for being my God, i thank you for being there for me when i was down.

Lord, i also thank you for this day you have given me. Lord, i can't tell how blessed i am. Lord i thank you for bringing Sheryl into my life, and i thank you for giving these wonderful friends. i thank you for entrusting 2 non-believers and many more into my hands for me to change them, Lord. Lord i pray for strength, wisdom and guidance. I pray that you'll grant them, Lord. Lord, i also pray that you'll help me through these few days of preparing materials for cell group.

Lord, i thank you once again for enriching my life. I thank you again for not forsaking me though i have forsaken you, Lord, too many times. Lord, i thank you for forgiving me of my sins and i pray that i will seek you day by day and not only when i am in need, Lord.

Lord, i thank you again for giving me this nice song on saturday that it will touch me, overwhelm me so to let me realise that you are there.

Lord, i pray that i'll be given a chance to testify for you, Lord.

I pray all these in Jesus name i pray, Amen.

i'm bored. so i shall have a breakthrough and that is play neopets after not doing so for 2 days. straight.

and i shall attempt to earn 100000neopoints to spend on my pets tonight. i have 98865 now. about 1200 to go. (:

/edit

so i've got my 100000 neopoints. i shall sleep with no regrets. i'm telling you, this blog is going to die one day. now that most of my days are depressing, since i've been thrown into a state of depression, i'm posting almost everyday at my private blog when i'm not too irritated and tired to speak.

and i won't post about the conducting experiences on 6th and 7th july because i've been asked too many times.

and yeah. that's it?

and you promised to call. but u didnt. am i reading too much into things?

i've been having nightmares. trust me, they're not pleasant.

after yesterday's rehearsal, i had a nightmare when i slept. i dreamt about getting groceries in the end, i walked into a shop with thousands and millions and zillions of batons. i woke up and cried myself to sleep.

i dont know what's wrong.

and i really do feel like crying now. rarh. what's wrong.

about conducting this friday. i mean, really. i hate it when laoshi gets angry, especially after concert and syf. and i think judging by how i conduct and how we play, we all are going to vomit blood tomorrow or something. can the concert be like next week?

then homework is another. mr tan gave me extra homework on top of math. is to find out about guzheng dimensions and yada. sheesh

then all these crappy things. not exactly crappy. but i'm getting sick of all these confusion and questions and whatever doubts i have.

this sounds reasonable and has nothing to do with you, BUT. can't you just come online? i seriously need to talk.

one minute's here, the other minute it's gone.

never about feelings.

i still can't figure that part out.

the last few days havent been great. but yeah.

watch this, this' really great.

http://www.evangel.org.sg/video/robertmarion/rm.html

i spent 3 hours in bed after i woke up. and when my grandmas came at about 10, i locked the door.

i thought i'd cry, instead, i felt numb all over. what's wrong huh.

going for a shower then meeting choo.

for the second time in my life, i really feel like slitting my wrists

really...it has been an eventful day. eventful as in full of events for me to digest and maybe think things through properly.

emotional day...definitely. haha...i just sort of lost control and broke down. yeah. it was embarrassing yes, because it was in the public. like in the middle of cafe gelare? i was like a faulty water tap.

anyway. tightened braces today. i feel so awful. blue rubber and some wire here and there because of my stubborn teeth.