spring onion

i really do hate myself sometimes, so much that i feel like giving myself a real good kick. but then again, you'll probably miss yourself and end up hurting someone else when you try to kick yourself. oh. and i hate myself because sometimes i just cant seem to find the right words to express...anything. and that's how we get misunderstandings etc etc etc...

ask me what on earth am i doing here on the eve of my exams.
and i would have said, no idea.
honestly, when i said i don't mind being retained.
it's a side of me i never knew.
you see, my attitude changes depending on which ground i stand.
look to your left and see msg 2.
i want my As, badly.
"only A2s will do"
hahahaha i wish i could laugh now.
so many days, weeks, months later.
will i realise that that's really what i want
and what i've been working for.
perhaps not hard enough.

i've taken a liking to writing random, yet awesome poetries, again
however on the other hand, i'm not so sure, about whether they're being classified as poetries
because certain verse just seem so long
like the one above above.
that may be the reason why cherie'e poems are special :)

have a great night, world. and live to see light each morning.
"tell me when the sun's up"
i like that, thatnks for the message :)

but when the sun's up, i'll be facing my personal guillotine.
nono, it won't be a set up, by others.
i set it up myself.
each time, when i walk onto the podium
of tests, exams and etc.

i never asked myself whether i'll be satisfied with a B,
i will never ask myself whether i will be satisfied with a C.
because that would be stopping to low,
too low to try to fail.
maybe.
i'm leading nowhere and i know it.
its just an endless stream of rambles.

handwriting...
spelling errors.
wait till i review this post to see if there were more typos than yesterday.

wehn you start writing, the second sentence comes,
the third
and fourth
and then a paragraph
and then a page
a chapter
a volume
and finally, your life has been written out into series.

that may be why i dont like math.
monotony. the questions are the same
and that's why i never bother to try and get close to math
and understand it
finally soar with it.

writing, in my opinion is different.
people near me knows that i detest short term relationships
which is why i hate math, math sums with the most 2-3 pages of working.
which is why i love novels, novels that an go on with a thousand words, a thousand pages, a thousand chapters.

detesting short term relationships means
right from the start, i will not appreciate classes.
2 year log relationship.
people see it long, i see it short.
i judge a lot of things based on potential.
potential relationship
potential story lines etc etc etc

relationships that are lasting, and of quality.
i like.
story lines. i keep them with me.
math formulas, i see no need of them.
storylines reflects our lives.
a lot
and they were actually penned by pensieve people.
maybe that's why pensieve is spelt like that.

i'm starting to limit mystery and teenage novels.
and i'm starting to read Coelho and Steel.
they are more deep.
probably more matured

no matter how harsh the world is depicted
its the truth, truth that lies in those deep, silverfished pages.

when will i end?
haha...i aint satisfied with my post yet.
aint satisfed with how much i've studied.
aint satisfied with myself.

be satisfied, be satisfied, be satisfied.

i've decided. i'll print out a copy of my post, and paste it on the class notice board after eoys. it might be kudos you receive, but receive them. notes that were painstakingly written down.

a phase ends. for it, it will carry on. for some, it comes to an end. for those whom i say, i'll dedicated a whole new entry for you. the entry is for life. and the length of the entry can only be determined by how far we walk together.