Saturday, October 20, 2007
3 letters
wth. this sucks, alright? i've probably havent had a worse day than this.
morning, some of you know what happened. and that's that.
then cell group. it was great. church worship was great too. as in really really, great. its the first time in weeks, or even months when i come to God like, really really come to church for Him yeah. not half-heartedly. it might be because i've gotten my results back and no longer worrying about getting retained or whatever. but really lah. i dont know what went wrong in the end. i was supposed to be free. although a little disappointed about not getting 70% and getting humanities programme, but i've decided long ago that it wasn't necessary. and that next year i'll only get busier with church and guzheng, and needn't something that's extra. i'm satisfied.
but then sunday school was bad. i've never shouted in my whole life serving sunday school. what kind of shit is this. today the whole class' like practically nuts. gone-case. wth. the class was a chaos. and a sister in your class who just shuts up and refuse to speak and throw tantrums in class does not improve the situation. wthwthwth.
shit. its just so bad. on my way home i refused to speak to anyone. of course my sis was hurt lah. its a kind of routine like thing that we race up the stairs after church every week. and compete against the lift. we havent beaten the lift yet, of course. but we're improving. the last time we ran we were at 8th storey when the lift reached 10, our floor. so its good. which means that we take less than 50sec to climd 8 storeys. but why is it that i feel so...sucky?
usher was okay. aiyah. everything was okay except for church. after service also lousy lah. shit. fel and drea ruined my night.
i'm sick of taking all the shit from you people already. its not like i hate you or what. but what do you treat me as? i dont mind. but i'm just sick of it. call it pride, but who doesn't want to feel good among people? moon asked me how do i take it when almost the whole class is against me. i can take it because i dont notice. and that i don't really care if they hate me or not. because i know that all i have to please is not the class, just God. and that i just have to love them as if they were me and that's that. i don't make my life miserable my hating people. that's how i take it.
but i'm sick of it. i'm tired of running errands. i'm sick of being a dumbass who eats dinner which is raw because i never remember to put whatever food i get from 7-11 in the microwave before eating it. i hate it when i feel as though i'm the only one rowing the boat when there're tonnes of people along with me on the boat. its totally shitty. this is probably the most vulgar post i've ever posted. but i realised that this' probably the worst that i've felt in my whole life. like shit.
the whole day whatever happens you just go shit. and out of 10 things you only have like 1-2 to thank God for. it's good though.
i feel like a hypocrite. like i just talked about Job not cursing God despite having the worst that you can experience from Satan. and here i am. shit. i really don't know if i'm cursing God and for a while now, at least for the last few minutes, i havent cared.
maybe i should just tell God this problem i have here myself later during devotion.
ayys. i feel like quitting. but death doesn't sound like a great idea to me. God is. He's the greatest reassurance that can be offered to someone who needs it.
great. and now i think of this. this sounds really primary school but i dont care. who do you treat me as? spend so much sms, and time writing letter and talking and advising and all these comes to a waste. shit. i hate it. i'm not a superwoman. i'm not God and you're treating me like one just because i think deeper than most people. just because your parents trust me. just because i'm your friend but that doesnt mean that i can take all the shit from you and clean it up. when will you grow up?
you ask for advice and you dont heed it. whats that? what on earth do you treat me as? answering machine? answer for all the wrongs you've done and account for them while you move on and enjoy life? seriously, i dont mind, at all. not until now. human nature, i know. its just me. its the devil working.
God help me, please. i really am feeling lousy. havent you been the strong one? why do you want to back out now? God, i hate myself.
morning, some of you know what happened. and that's that.
then cell group. it was great. church worship was great too. as in really really, great. its the first time in weeks, or even months when i come to God like, really really come to church for Him yeah. not half-heartedly. it might be because i've gotten my results back and no longer worrying about getting retained or whatever. but really lah. i dont know what went wrong in the end. i was supposed to be free. although a little disappointed about not getting 70% and getting humanities programme, but i've decided long ago that it wasn't necessary. and that next year i'll only get busier with church and guzheng, and needn't something that's extra. i'm satisfied.
but then sunday school was bad. i've never shouted in my whole life serving sunday school. what kind of shit is this. today the whole class' like practically nuts. gone-case. wth. the class was a chaos. and a sister in your class who just shuts up and refuse to speak and throw tantrums in class does not improve the situation. wthwthwth.
shit. its just so bad. on my way home i refused to speak to anyone. of course my sis was hurt lah. its a kind of routine like thing that we race up the stairs after church every week. and compete against the lift. we havent beaten the lift yet, of course. but we're improving. the last time we ran we were at 8th storey when the lift reached 10, our floor. so its good. which means that we take less than 50sec to climd 8 storeys. but why is it that i feel so...sucky?
usher was okay. aiyah. everything was okay except for church. after service also lousy lah. shit. fel and drea ruined my night.
i'm sick of taking all the shit from you people already. its not like i hate you or what. but what do you treat me as? i dont mind. but i'm just sick of it. call it pride, but who doesn't want to feel good among people? moon asked me how do i take it when almost the whole class is against me. i can take it because i dont notice. and that i don't really care if they hate me or not. because i know that all i have to please is not the class, just God. and that i just have to love them as if they were me and that's that. i don't make my life miserable my hating people. that's how i take it.
but i'm sick of it. i'm tired of running errands. i'm sick of being a dumbass who eats dinner which is raw because i never remember to put whatever food i get from 7-11 in the microwave before eating it. i hate it when i feel as though i'm the only one rowing the boat when there're tonnes of people along with me on the boat. its totally shitty. this is probably the most vulgar post i've ever posted. but i realised that this' probably the worst that i've felt in my whole life. like shit.
the whole day whatever happens you just go shit. and out of 10 things you only have like 1-2 to thank God for. it's good though.
i feel like a hypocrite. like i just talked about Job not cursing God despite having the worst that you can experience from Satan. and here i am. shit. i really don't know if i'm cursing God and for a while now, at least for the last few minutes, i havent cared.
maybe i should just tell God this problem i have here myself later during devotion.
ayys. i feel like quitting. but death doesn't sound like a great idea to me. God is. He's the greatest reassurance that can be offered to someone who needs it.
great. and now i think of this. this sounds really primary school but i dont care. who do you treat me as? spend so much sms, and time writing letter and talking and advising and all these comes to a waste. shit. i hate it. i'm not a superwoman. i'm not God and you're treating me like one just because i think deeper than most people. just because your parents trust me. just because i'm your friend but that doesnt mean that i can take all the shit from you and clean it up. when will you grow up?
you ask for advice and you dont heed it. whats that? what on earth do you treat me as? answering machine? answer for all the wrongs you've done and account for them while you move on and enjoy life? seriously, i dont mind, at all. not until now. human nature, i know. its just me. its the devil working.
God help me, please. i really am feeling lousy. havent you been the strong one? why do you want to back out now? God, i hate myself.
// posted by My name is Oherie. @ 10:49 pm 
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