Friday, March 16, 2007
depressing post.
this is going to be a really depressing post so leave before you regret it.
lets see. i feel really bad right now. its getting late and i'm supposed to put my younger sis and bro to bed and i do not know how to do it. i do not know how to face them. in a way, yes. i just realised i've not been much a an older sister to my younger siblings. alright. yeah. too much influence by prisonbreak. ok. i'm gonna cry. :/ ok. where was i. influence. a bit of over statement huh. linc and mike. they're so close. there's something you can't bluff people with and that's love. you need to be a pretty good actor to hide that huh. and why would someone want to do that. some praise for miller and purcell, good acting. but back to main point. that kind of sacrifice scofield made in the process of saving his brother's skin. its touching. i don't know how far i will go to save my siblings' skin. i don't want to judge myself. there's this weakness i know i have. i appear strong when i am weak. chicken out last minute. that's always happening to me and there's no denial to it. i like things simple and my way. i don't like it when there are too many things going on at the same time. and that's when my temper betrays me. that's just me.
put my siblings to bed.
look, i'm not even sure that i was there when they needed me. a hell good sister i am. it's not going to be an easy night and i know it. its 0040. i've got 5 hours of sleep before the alarm goes off, before my dad barges into my room to wake me up. and then i will go to school, spend my whole day there. reach home near 7.30pm, 8pm. do nothing. stay up just to watch prisonbreak again and again then go to bed. that's life for me. that's my holiday. i haven't even touched my homework and i know i'll be in trouble because it will take me more than a day to finish one worksheet. :/
my life's no good now. worries.
concert.
sunday school this saturday.
geography project.
art project.
maths.
math destructs my life. everyday no matter what i do i will ask myself. what's up with math. heh. i don't know if i can pass math this year. i will be praying that i could and i will do what i can to fix this huge problem that's making my life miserable until a point of time whereby my heart can't take it.
maybe i shouldn't even be in nanyang myself. i don't think i am born to do math. i am a D and i'd like to do things my way.
selfish huh. i think i am. i should learn to be selfless. but i do not want to lose myself too. i think i'm missing the wholepoint here. but the thing now is. this math thing is really killing me.
its no longer me liking it. its longer about mrtan giving me math assignments and remedial to help me. it has become a philosophy thing. i just hate it. the more you want me to do well in it. the more i hate it. whether i do it well or not. i can go force myself and do math now. for an hour before i sleep. because i certainly have the energy to do so. but i tell myself it isnt working out because i will then be doing it for mrtan. just to make him stop giving me remedial. i do not want that. because i do things for a reason. its just me. i think i am going crazy. and i am positive. because all these remedial thing isn't helping.
to some people doing math is like doing homework. you hand it up. the teacher gives you a good grade. you be happy. you stay out of remedial that's it. you get this sense of satisfaction. but i don't get what people get. it won't be good to have a math teacher talking to me about math, like how i should learn to like it that kind of stuff. it's not going to work. if i am still alive by the end of next week. then thank God. cause i couldnt have without Him. because i think i am going crazy.
things are not simple now. once something gets complicated in my head. they get more and more complicated. i don't know what to do.
i catch myself thinking about how can i start loving math when i'm walking to buy groceries or what. it won't work out and i am certain of it.
i don't know why but math is making me mad. not because i love it to bits. but because i simply can't see why i don't like it at all. and it's gonna get worse.
i won't be surprised if i get out of nanyang because i can't do math.
lets see. i feel really bad right now. its getting late and i'm supposed to put my younger sis and bro to bed and i do not know how to do it. i do not know how to face them. in a way, yes. i just realised i've not been much a an older sister to my younger siblings. alright. yeah. too much influence by prisonbreak. ok. i'm gonna cry. :/ ok. where was i. influence. a bit of over statement huh. linc and mike. they're so close. there's something you can't bluff people with and that's love. you need to be a pretty good actor to hide that huh. and why would someone want to do that. some praise for miller and purcell, good acting. but back to main point. that kind of sacrifice scofield made in the process of saving his brother's skin. its touching. i don't know how far i will go to save my siblings' skin. i don't want to judge myself. there's this weakness i know i have. i appear strong when i am weak. chicken out last minute. that's always happening to me and there's no denial to it. i like things simple and my way. i don't like it when there are too many things going on at the same time. and that's when my temper betrays me. that's just me.
put my siblings to bed.
look, i'm not even sure that i was there when they needed me. a hell good sister i am. it's not going to be an easy night and i know it. its 0040. i've got 5 hours of sleep before the alarm goes off, before my dad barges into my room to wake me up. and then i will go to school, spend my whole day there. reach home near 7.30pm, 8pm. do nothing. stay up just to watch prisonbreak again and again then go to bed. that's life for me. that's my holiday. i haven't even touched my homework and i know i'll be in trouble because it will take me more than a day to finish one worksheet. :/
my life's no good now. worries.
concert.
sunday school this saturday.
geography project.
art project.
maths.
math destructs my life. everyday no matter what i do i will ask myself. what's up with math. heh. i don't know if i can pass math this year. i will be praying that i could and i will do what i can to fix this huge problem that's making my life miserable until a point of time whereby my heart can't take it.
maybe i shouldn't even be in nanyang myself. i don't think i am born to do math. i am a D and i'd like to do things my way.
selfish huh. i think i am. i should learn to be selfless. but i do not want to lose myself too. i think i'm missing the wholepoint here. but the thing now is. this math thing is really killing me.
its no longer me liking it. its longer about mrtan giving me math assignments and remedial to help me. it has become a philosophy thing. i just hate it. the more you want me to do well in it. the more i hate it. whether i do it well or not. i can go force myself and do math now. for an hour before i sleep. because i certainly have the energy to do so. but i tell myself it isnt working out because i will then be doing it for mrtan. just to make him stop giving me remedial. i do not want that. because i do things for a reason. its just me. i think i am going crazy. and i am positive. because all these remedial thing isn't helping.
to some people doing math is like doing homework. you hand it up. the teacher gives you a good grade. you be happy. you stay out of remedial that's it. you get this sense of satisfaction. but i don't get what people get. it won't be good to have a math teacher talking to me about math, like how i should learn to like it that kind of stuff. it's not going to work. if i am still alive by the end of next week. then thank God. cause i couldnt have without Him. because i think i am going crazy.
things are not simple now. once something gets complicated in my head. they get more and more complicated. i don't know what to do.
i catch myself thinking about how can i start loving math when i'm walking to buy groceries or what. it won't work out and i am certain of it.
i don't know why but math is making me mad. not because i love it to bits. but because i simply can't see why i don't like it at all. and it's gonna get worse.
i won't be surprised if i get out of nanyang because i can't do math.
// posted by My name is Oherie. @ 12:31 am 
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