Friday, December 22, 2006
sickening feeling
i have this really sick thinking. i wanted to be isolated from 112'06 or rather 212'07. yeah. i visited the class blog just now and i had this feeling overcome me. and i was so busy checking everyone's link to see if they have me on it. and after checking, i dont know why but i was relieved. i mean, what sort of thing is that. thats so sick.
feeling kinda lame and down. i dont know what to do with the time i have in my hands. not that i do not have anything to do, i have plenty. mind you. mountains of them but i just dont have that heart to do it.
like this morning's chemistry stuff that i was studying. yes, i was making a point to make use of the rest of my time in holidays, but then i remember stuff, i can give you the answer if you ask the question. but i am doing all these passionatelessly. dont know what word is that. but its just, i am doing things for the sake of doing and i dont like it. theres cca next week and i have skived off 2 cca practices this week. okay, something happened that made me so dull and lifeless. but it shouldnt stop me from doing the things i like and losing the drive to do things.
i am beginning to feel sick about books. they are no longer appealing. i have this pile of books i borrowed from the library. and i've been reading lesser since dont-know-when. but during high time i can read up to 3-5 books day and they are really thick novels with small prints. and now i only read, a couple of chapters or even worse, sentences. blah. i hate it when things turn out this way.
but i am exerting self-control. i was deeply addicted to computers or rather internet for a while previously. spending almost the whole day of my holidays in front of the computer staring at the liquid crystal digital screen. but at least i am spending more time on books now. i ought to read more. kill this habit. using only about an hour a day AFTER i have finish necessary work and revision provided its not pass my bedtime that was set. i ought to work hard next year. as in really hard. the more i look at my report book the more i feel depressed.
no one is to be blamed except me and i know that. i knew how is like to be disappointed, for the second time in my life. the first was when psle results release. i got the hell shock out of my life. and it was the first time i cried, feeling remorseful because i didnt do well for psle. it seemed to me that that slap wasnt sharp and stinging enough for me to remember to strive hard.
yea. bedtime is 10pm-10.30pm on school days. and i can only stay up if i have undone schoolwork or other work. if i catch myself doing something else other than that, i dont know what would i do. but. this condition seemed easy enough for me to break it if the temptations overcome me.
i have to constantly remind myself that you know, i am doing EVERYTHING, every single thing that i do, is solely for God. no one else. to glorify Him. to prove and testify His name that with Him, i can do simply anything. anything. i want to show it to my mum that i can take care of my grades, i can manage my finance properly. something which i failed to do this year. something which i can do but failed to do. its cool that i get motivated. i just have to remind myself and give myself slaps if i have to.
i really want to do something for the church. and something which i have been dying to do, edit youth camp video. i didnt have the courage though. i asked my sis to help me ask today morning when she smsed elysa. my sis and elysa were quite pleased. hahas. it gives my sis opportunities to speak to ******* and it lightens elysa's load a little. yup. but its cool you know, to be able to do something for our fellow brother and sisters on Christ.
thats all for today i guess. i'd probably write abit more. going for a family gathering, you see. =)
feeling kinda lame and down. i dont know what to do with the time i have in my hands. not that i do not have anything to do, i have plenty. mind you. mountains of them but i just dont have that heart to do it.
like this morning's chemistry stuff that i was studying. yes, i was making a point to make use of the rest of my time in holidays, but then i remember stuff, i can give you the answer if you ask the question. but i am doing all these passionatelessly. dont know what word is that. but its just, i am doing things for the sake of doing and i dont like it. theres cca next week and i have skived off 2 cca practices this week. okay, something happened that made me so dull and lifeless. but it shouldnt stop me from doing the things i like and losing the drive to do things.
i am beginning to feel sick about books. they are no longer appealing. i have this pile of books i borrowed from the library. and i've been reading lesser since dont-know-when. but during high time i can read up to 3-5 books day and they are really thick novels with small prints. and now i only read, a couple of chapters or even worse, sentences. blah. i hate it when things turn out this way.
but i am exerting self-control. i was deeply addicted to computers or rather internet for a while previously. spending almost the whole day of my holidays in front of the computer staring at the liquid crystal digital screen. but at least i am spending more time on books now. i ought to read more. kill this habit. using only about an hour a day AFTER i have finish necessary work and revision provided its not pass my bedtime that was set. i ought to work hard next year. as in really hard. the more i look at my report book the more i feel depressed.
no one is to be blamed except me and i know that. i knew how is like to be disappointed, for the second time in my life. the first was when psle results release. i got the hell shock out of my life. and it was the first time i cried, feeling remorseful because i didnt do well for psle. it seemed to me that that slap wasnt sharp and stinging enough for me to remember to strive hard.
yea. bedtime is 10pm-10.30pm on school days. and i can only stay up if i have undone schoolwork or other work. if i catch myself doing something else other than that, i dont know what would i do. but. this condition seemed easy enough for me to break it if the temptations overcome me.
i have to constantly remind myself that you know, i am doing EVERYTHING, every single thing that i do, is solely for God. no one else. to glorify Him. to prove and testify His name that with Him, i can do simply anything. anything. i want to show it to my mum that i can take care of my grades, i can manage my finance properly. something which i failed to do this year. something which i can do but failed to do. its cool that i get motivated. i just have to remind myself and give myself slaps if i have to.
i really want to do something for the church. and something which i have been dying to do, edit youth camp video. i didnt have the courage though. i asked my sis to help me ask today morning when she smsed elysa. my sis and elysa were quite pleased. hahas. it gives my sis opportunities to speak to ******* and it lightens elysa's load a little. yup. but its cool you know, to be able to do something for our fellow brother and sisters on Christ.
thats all for today i guess. i'd probably write abit more. going for a family gathering, you see. =)
// posted by My name is Oherie. @ 3:23 pm 
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]